Saturday, July 07, 2007

Blue Horizons Acceptance Letter

I think I was in Orange County (Mission Viejo, more specifically)--in a a total wreck when housekeeping for "Momma," a Persian grandmother with a case of arthritis--when I received the acceptance letter. I remember that I told Constance by email to envision my "jumping up and down" after receiving her acceptance note. Though I am not experiencing the "associated emotion" at this moment (an emotion as relieving, but not equally as shocking as the time I received the NSF fellowship in April of 2003), I made a self-monumental epiphany that this is the first time I have been "institutionally incorporated" and "institutionally accepted" for all the things I have accomplished in science AND art. This is the first time where people in the university have acknowledged my resume--the notion that I wrote a book called Question Reality: An Investigation of Self-Humans-Environment, along with a short story summary called The Elephant and the Oak Tree. Granted I was accepted at UC Riverside, but I don't think I was accepted for being who I wanted to be: a scientist who does art... to outreach and communicate to the public. I was accepted to UCR as a Ph.D student in geology, not a moreso "multi-media eclectic ecologist." I entered UCSB's Blue Horizons more accepting of who I struggled alone to become (though I still never seemed to be fully satisfied with myself), and at the same time I was institutionally accepted for who I am. A dualist science-art resume is a resume I never imagined creating--about a year ago, was a looming, far-off dream resume--but now that I look at what I had done, and all the struggles I went through to do so, I take a step outside my box to consider that this is potentially the most rewarding document so far: that I self-developed my spacetime abilities of my right brain, and that people were acknowledging and supporting my once-formerly suppressed skills (abilities that were not developed, nor prized by institutionalized education). This is indeed a co-evolution of self-system acceptance :-). I am no longer "homeless" or "unincorporated." I'm now a part of the mental metabolism of a larger system. And I cross my fingers this time I can actually keep up with the pace.

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