Friday, September 14, 2007

The Nuts and Bolts of Making "The Matrix of the Mind: Mapping Language on Landscapes"

Okay, Matt. Above are the nuts-and-bolts layers of creating the two images of the previous blog. You cannot build higher order layers of systems unless you have the parts. As Terra was singing to Buz last year [and Buz was thoroughly annoyed, complaining for her to shush up a bit!], "What came first? The Chicken or the Egg? What came first? The protein or the cell?" On logic of the building of systems of higher-order layers (note that I didn't use the word "complexity"), the simpler parts must already have been in existence. Hence, carbohydrates, proteins, fat-lipid molecules, and nucleic acides must have already been in existence before there could have been an assemblage of a larger, higher-order-layered system, such as a "cell," which is the arbitrarily defined fundamental unit of "life." I have my days when I think viruses are "alive," though conventional biology doesn't label them as so.... So, here are my "parts" of my system that allowed me to produce a multi-layered whole.
Matt. When you asked what you asked a couple of nights ago, I was never asked such a question. I mean in a genuine sense. In a sincere way. I was asked by a couple of xssholes before, which I flicked off like a booger. Bastards. But as we go with the theme of your anomalousness. So, since this had been the first time anyone had asked. I was confused. Which is understandable, I hope. I always freeze in a new circumstance. Out of shock. It may be a bad thing in the long run, because freezing in a new circumstance, like a condition of ending of the earth, might cost me my life. But somehow I am still alive and partly wounded. I froze because i didn't know how to react. This is how I fell off a log with you. In my first car accident, I froze. I didn't honk the horn. I did nothing, and watched that lady bxtch at UCLA ram into my side door in frozen horror. So that's what happened. I froze. I froze. I froze. Retrospectively, I am stupid. I didn't want the blanket, dxmmit. But I was confused, frozen in a car accident. I guess in all future circumstances, I may know how to respond... perhaps.... Like honk a horn... or just ask an impulsive question: "What do you mean?" And not say, "Making sure I still have batteries in my voice recorder," a lame response to the post "What's up." You can see I'm battling in my mind, just to function. Being a fxcking emotional artist I am. I'll just play scientist today just to harden my emotions, and I'll just say I'm a film-maker to everyone so they will be less skeptical of me and think I'm a social flirt ditz Hollywood wannabe, when underneath I'm obsessively systematic, but somehow can implement this in art... and just put that large shell all around me again, at least for a little while. God Vic. It's all a fxcking game in your mind....
Right now I want to scoop my eusocial mammalian emotions out of my brain. I just want to beat the shxt out of my brain and not feel. Ya. Maybe pot might be nice tonight. I can't afford this crxp in my head right now. He told me not to beat myself up, but I am anyway. Just move on. Just get over it. Martin Kennedy said to just get over it. I just want a male mind sometimes. They don't have huge emotional centers like females do. They can attach and detach themselves to things with such great ease.

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