Friday, October 17, 2008

332. "Live in Illusion" Poem / Song

Live in Illusion
I wanted to say
"Hello, how are you-oooou?"
But maybe you thought
That I was a foo-ooooouh.
I am so timid though
I seem so bol-ooooold.
And I'm so sorry
I rubbed off so col-ooooold.
Just give me the illusion
Your mind is free-eeeee.
Just give me the illusion
You might care about me-eeeee.
Just keep me in delusion
So I can keep on dreamin'
Prevent disappointment
From too much Knowing.
Gave enough information--to mold
An Ideal World of Seems.
And that's just enough of
What I need.
And that's just enough of
What I need.

Sometimes Ignorance Can be Bliss. Amen.

Today I told Eriko--a psychologist at UCSB--about how unstable my emotions were when I started college. I explained to her that I have a high energy budget, physically and mentally (my sister says I have a Type A personality), but the whole challenge was how to channel this energy and project this energy onto my environment. How do I come to define my purpose? How do I come to choose the people I affiliate with? How do I come to choose what tools I use to perceive and interact with reality? What type of environment do I want to be in? My mind's ability to construct an illusion of a MicroCosmal Bubble of Humanity was very limited. I had a struggled sense of purpose in a pinball university (UC Davis), but over time, things started to sort as I spent more time in my room writing, figuring out what was in my brain. People are so detached from themselves and lose a sense of purpose and direction. If you are lost in your mind, you will always be lost in the university. That is why I need to hide and write. Chronically reassess my emotional and mental condition and state of purpose and direction. If you lose touch with yourself, the university becomes a hostile place and you will be drowning rather than swimming.

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