It is the fourth week of the quarter and I am starting to question myself, greatly. I am starting to feel like this information overload is waring on me, making me fall apart. Last night I went to bed at "5pm" and I woke up at 7am. My teeth were starting to hurt again. I made a dental appointment for Thursday. My nerves are getting all activated.
I was internalizing... not by my swirling thoughts within my cerebral cortex, but through basal pain reflexes associated with my teeth.
For the last two weeks, I have been feeling out of tune again in space and time.
I am drowning in junk mail and receipts that only serve as distracting backdrop clutter: Sports Authority (forced to purchase a softball glove and softball), Vons and Kmart (werthers candy, my routine vice 10/18 10/19), Java Jones Coffeehouse (impulsive, expensive purchases of caffeine on and off campus that serve as moderate "therapy" buys, I do admit I will not return to Java Jones in a while, the last bout of coffee I had there seemed burned and was not an enjoyable experience with the additional street construction near by), apparently on 10/18 I purchased Good Earth Chai for the office, still in my bag, 10/18 purchased Trader Joes egg rolls chicken (very good!) fat free milk, vanilla soy milk, supply me for the deadly weekend of studying for evolutionary vertebrate morphology,
Is school right or wrong for me? Good or bad for me? School is wonderful, as long as it is in proper doses. At this moment, due to scale and volume and rate of information flow and mental digestion, I could say school is simply too much of a good thing.
I can't help feeling like this rock embedded in a kelp bed in the churning, shallow waters of the ocean, but it's as if my firm ground is being dismantled, and that I am being swept away and drowned by the university's Turbulence of Information. When will I ever be left alone? When will I have a chance to catch up with myself? To heal my mind? Piece it together? The outer world has taken me away and I don't even have enough time to hold any form of solid ground with my own mind.
Perhaps I could be more functional if I had a 48 hour biological clock. I could live for 24 hours and reflect for 24 hours. *Sigh.* Our own human biology is quite restricting!
Turbulence of Information, Information Overload, Information Crucifix