Friday, October 23, 2009

471. Poem / Song "Everything's Good / Everything's Fine / It's All in Your Head / It's All in Your Mind"

Well? What can I say? I wish I could erase my memory. Starting around 10pm last night to around 3pm this afternoon. I really wish I could. This is the first time I ever wanted to erase my memory in my life--the whole Eternal Sunshine model by Charlie Kaufman and Michel Gondry. Because I felt momentarily devastated and abandoned... simply because I existed in such a vulnerable, post-traumatic state from the Marine Life Protection Act (MLPA) conference on negotiating marine protected areas in the south coast. I really have to say it was a short period of time, and I will have to be open to reliving this fragment of my life twice, starting from scrap, all over again. Open to experimentation. It's hard, especially when there is no change of environment. The truth is that in between 10pm and 3pm was a state of existence that was contradictory and inconsistent to the ENTIRETY of EXISTENCE of the past year or so. The inconsistency was derived from unstable, volatile emotions. It's not even worth thinking about; it's simply a "my bad."

Back in August 11, 2008, the day before Txriel and I went on a Santa Ynez Mountain, Painted Cave outing for my birthday, I was in a panicky state of mind, not really sensing that I was slowly becoming abandoned.... I invented a silly little song that actually keeps coming back to haunt me. I probably have sung this song in my head about a hundred-and-one times since that stressful day before my birthday in August, and I found myself singing it today, as I had suffered through a panic attack and a migraine, my first migraine since I was 11 years old. Upon convincing myself to get home from Kinkos with this migraine, I started to sing this song softly to myself. After taking three advils and falling asleep on a couch, I woke up feeling better, more functional.

Since this poem/song seems to be a recurring theme in my life, though it was invented in a time of stress and the end of a small era of surrealistic reality associated with MaleCaseStudyAnonymous, I still have come to realize this tune has withstood the test of time. I even shared this song with Jules, and he actually liked it--a surprisingly positive response! I always thought this tune to be silly... and maybe a little to simple... but somehow no one seems to think so!

After looking at this song, it still seems incomplete. I feel there could still be two more stanzas and a main chorus. Well, when I get into that "right mood," I'm sure my mind will drift back to completing this piece.

Everything's Good, Everything's Fine
Everything's good.
Everything's fine.
It's all in your head.
It's all in your mind.
You think something's wrong.
You think something's bad.
And you don't even realize
All that you have.
So stop poooty-hooo
And change your ToDos.
And so stop dribbling
and change your Routine....

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